Never Alone
by Rebellwithoutacause
Summary: My take on Speed's thoughts and feelings in those last few minutes of his life. For now, its a oneshot, that may change. R&R Please!


_I've been meaning to do this one for a while, but I just never got the time to do it. Then I watched the episode of his death last night. Every single time, it makes me cry! ((sniffles)) Anyway, this is my most humble tribute to fallen CSI Tim "Speed" Speedle. _

_Disclaimer: Don't own, never have, never will, and if it were up to me, Speed would still be alive! (sniffs) _

_ I waited for you today  
But you didn't show  
No, no, no  
I needed you today  
So where did you go?  
You told me to call  
Said you'd be there  
And though I haven't seen you  
Are You still there?_

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I'm never alone_

_And though I cannot see you  
And I can't explain why  
Such a deep, deep reassurance  
You've placed in my life_

_We cannot separate  
'Cause you're part of me  
And though you're invisible  
I'll trust the unseen  
_

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I'm never alone_

_We cannot separate  
You're part of me  
And though you're invisible  
I'll trust the unseen_

_I cried out with no reply  
And I can't feel you by my side  
So I'll hold tight to what I know  
You're here and I'm never alone_

I had a bad feeling as soon as I walked into the store. I have always been a firm believer in gut instinct, and right now, mine was telling me something wasn't right. Everything was very quiet. Not a customer in sight.

Horatio moved away to speak with the store manager, but something else had caught my eye. It looked like someone was crouched under one of the counters. I slowly prowled forward, but a soft creek made my gaze whip up. The back door of the shop was slowly swinging open. My heart began to race. I'd seen what you could call 'combat' before, and I had ended up a bullet grazing my chest. Not a fun thing to see your life go before your eyes, besides the pain of being slammed with a ball of led moving I don't know how many feet per second.

I reached for my gun slowly releasing the leather catch that held its holster closed. I thought I could hear a rustling sound in the back room. I drew my weapon.

"Speed?" Horatio asked quietly.

I didn't say anything, but tilted my head towards the door before focusing all of my attention on it. Every fiber of my being told me something wasn't right. Horatio apparently had the same feeling because he also drew his weapon. He took a few quick steps that put him level with me and flexed his hand on his gun. He and the nine mill were old friends, me and mine… suddenly I didn't have time to think about it anymore.

A man from the back room leapt forward, gun in hand and began to fire. Horatio almost instantly traded shots with him. I raised my weapon to aim for yet another man that had come directly behind the first. I squeezed the trigger but felt a small recoil and no bullet pass through the barrel. I could hear Horatio firing his weapon and shouts echoing around the building.

"Damnit," I cursed. I squeezed the trigger again and felt the gun give a jerk in my hand as it tried to fire.

Up to this point I had kept my eye on what I was aiming at but now I glanced at my weapon. Why the hell wasn't it firing? Very quickly, it didn't matter.

Pain rocketed through me as a bullet slammed into my chest. I was blown backward by the force of the shot and dimly I heard Horatio shout my nick name. Everything became hazy as I hit the floor of the store. I didn't feel the pain of my head hitting the ground, only the fire of the bullet stinging every inch of my chest.

I realized then that I wasn't wearing a vest. The bullet had hit me straight on this time. Fear pounded into my body as I put it together what that meant.

_No, no, no, no, no! _I wailed mentally. I couldn't be dying! No!

Blood was welling up inside my mouth. I couldn't breathe; my world was spinning on its axis. In that moment, lying there, bleeding my life away onto the floor I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. I think it was more fear of dying alone than dying that caused me to tremble. I didn't want to be alone. No one does. I'd always been kind of a loner at work, even in most of my 'relationships' but nobody ever wants to die alone. Nobody. Through the pain and blood, I felt that fear. Physically, I began to shake and tremble, but it wasn't my doing. Then, suddenly, saving grace in the form of Horatio Caine was at my side.

"Speed," he called to me, kneeling down, taking one arm and lifting it under my neck, trying to help me breathe. He took a cloth that he always carried in his pocket and pressed it to the corner of my mouth, trying to stop the blood from streaming down my face.

I tried to choke his name, but my mouth was to full of blood to speak. I couldn't breathe, despite his efforts. I heard him talking to me, but only faintly.

"Speed, stay with me, hang in there, keep breathing."

His tone projected strength and assurance that I was going to be fine, but I saw the truth written in his eyes. I saw what he knew, and what I knew as well. I wasn't going to be fine. I wasn't getting out of it this time. I wasn't walking away from this one.

I felt my lungs shiver and tremble, fighting to push the blood up and out of my mouth. I wanted to say goodbye, I wanted Horatio to know that he'd silenced the fear of being alone. But I couldn't get the words out. I couldn't force the words through the blood.

Horatio heard me trying to speak. He held me close, abandoning wiping the blood from my mouth. I felt his arms around me. All my warm blood was pouring out onto the floor and I was freezing now. My skin shivered, as did the rest of me. I wanted to be closer to Horatio. He was warm around my freezing body. But I didn't have the strength to tell him so.

"Speed, hang on, Speed, don't stop breathing, Speed, look at me!" Horatio's voice was desperate now.

I felt myself fading. I was less and less aware of everything around me. I could hear Horatio's voice, but only faintly. I forced my eyes open to look at his. I'd never seen him so close to tears. I was slipping away, even as I heard him saying my name over and over again. I'd never heard him whimper like that. He sounded like he was going to fall apart if I left.

_I'm sorry, H, _I echoed in my dying brain. _But I'm just so tired… _It was the truth. I was just so tired. Pain wasn't a factor, nothing was now. I couldn't hear him anymore. Couldn't see him anymore. Blackness swarmed me, its jaws open wide. I relaxed and let go. It was over now. All over. But not alone.

Never alone.


End file.
